2 October 2014

October Challenge for Lyn Thurman #2 The Magician

I love this card 'as above so below'. Wherever you look theres magic to be found, things to be learnt and messages abound.
Since the end of last year more and more positivity has entered my life, I've taken numerous courses to set me on my journey, I've picked up my writing and photography again, embraced the universe and whatever comes my way. I've gathered all the tools I need and am starting to put them into practise to live that life I want.
Ever since theres been messages both good and bad, I still get reminded of those people and that place I wish I could easily forget but its hard forgetting so much pain.
The good is usually angellic numbers and feathers or things that just seem to happen at the right time, like a course coming along. Or someone coming into your life.
The right tools always appear when you need them, in the right guise and listening to the universe more and noticing things more often I know I'm heading the right way.
All my card readings done myself and by others including my Tarot teacher say this is the right path, that i have everything I need to pursue it, i just need to swallow my pride and fears and just do it.
Sometimes I get so fiesty I get so close then pull myself back thinking somethings missing from my tool box, whether its complete or not shouldnt matter, I should just do it anyway like i did when i posted my books on wattpad.
I don't know if I'm afraid of success or failure, maybe its a bit of both, i know part is the tax side what with having a job too. I'd rather be loved for being me rather than hated for being the uniform I wear. Thats what I hate about my job, people forget actually beneath that uniform, abiding the rules of their job is a real person who feels exactly the same as you the customer dealing with the same shit that you do. We're not clones of the job, we're just people sticking to rules getting a job done to keep you happy so we can pay bills. Adding other peoples shit to our own is not part of our job! As much as I do love some of the customers I have (the kind sincere ones, the ones who bother to get to know you) a part of me longs for the day I can get out and finally release the inner me on the world and say like me or hate me I just dont give a damn deal with it! I am me not the fucking uniform!
I'd love to say that, unfortunately i have a conscience and i care what people think, and really i shouldnt give a fuck.
So at the end of day 2 this is my conclusion.
If I don't give a fuck in writing which I don't as you can tell, then i'm not going to give a fuck so much any more, and i am going to take what on one hand i am being told is mine and with the other make it fucking happen. I will give and take and with the tools I have be they perfect or not, complete or not.

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